I’ve got some ‘splainin to do

For someone who has always been described as a “driven” individual, I really have some explaining to do on my absence from all things Horsepower & Heels the last few years.

Believe me, its not from lack of missing the sport of drag racing, and all things Horsepower & Heels that took me the better part of 8 years to create.   But, life happened.

When I finished my rookie season in Pro (2006), I was on top of the world and felt that I had momentum to carry me through all the dreams I had been working so hard to make reality.   I had made in-roads towards Top Fuel, had secured funding for an upgraded body for my pro chassis, and had upgraded some critical engine parts for the following season.

But then I learned that the business of drag racing was a bit more cut throat than I had imagined.  I made some costly mistakes.  I trusted people who led me the wrong direction.  And ultimately, I suffered in this economy with the rest of America.

For the first time in my racing career, I felt defeated.  Jaded almost, from all the roadblocks and hardships and dishonesty I encountered.    I let this negativity penetrate, and it resulted into several years away from the sport I love so much.

The website hadn’t been updated since 2009, I felt that it was the starting point for a reignite.  But working two jobs to stay afloat meant there wasn’t much time to devote, and wanting something completely different meant I had to learn from the beginning.

I listened to my friends and fans ask me over and over:  “Where are you?”   “When was the car going to be done?”   “Are you racing?”  It should have fueled my desire to push forward as it always had, but instead, a small part of me died each time.

Every once in awhile during these jaded years, someone would call with a promising development.   Every time it seemed it was a dead end.   The effort and the money I spent chasing these dead ends started to add up.    Pretty soon, I was so jaded that I stopped even trying to validate these leads.     I had let the agonizing chase beat me.

I saw other ladies out there struggling too.   I friended some, thinking if I couldn’t help myself then at least I could help them not make the same mistakes.   I have always believed in Women in Motorsports.

But the truth that was always there during these years away from the sport:   I love drag racing, and everything I do to fill this gaping hole in my heart stops miserably short.   I wasn’t happy.  I knew I missed this community, this family, and everything that racing means beyond the finish line.   I knew that giving it up was something I let others dissuade me into believing was my only option.   But its not.

So I’m giving it a Round 2.   It may never be the dreams I had at 25, but I can find balance and with supportive family and friends, I will return!